Footie Jokes!!!

squid · 08-07-2006, 01:26 AM

We need some Footie jokes on this thing. Why? because i dont know any. So i would like to read some jokes that are footbasll based: that involve some club rivalries or football personalities. it doesnt have to be a joke, as long as its funny. Anecdotes would be accepted. So I'll start it off with my favourite Ron Atkinson one liner.

At a Brazil game there was a fat hairy guy with a beard playing a drum with two stunning samba babes by his side. The ITV cometator said " i didnt know your wife was here ron" Ron said " i didn't know she could play the drum"

Big Ron, Class!!!!

squid · 08-07-2006, 01:32 AM

try and keep it tastful.. or not itsup to you!

WATfc · 08-07-2006, 04:26 PM

Luton towns new ground.

Funniest joke i can think of.

goldenHuddlestone · 08-07-2006, 04:43 PM

What do you say if you see a Arsenal fan buried up to his head in sand

More Sand!

Stiles · 08-08-2006, 12:48 AM

Whats the difference between a Squrriel and the Spuds?

A squrriel has more champions league experiance.

gmanr26 · 08-17-2006, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by goldenHuddlestone

What do you say if you see a Arsenal fan buried up to his head in sand

More Sand!

LMAO!!!!!!!
I agree

goldenHuddlestone · 08-31-2006, 06:15 PM

Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Jedi Knight · 08-31-2006, 06:30 PM

lol. that's naughty but good. not that i concur of course

goldenHuddlestone · 08-31-2006, 06:38 PM

How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
Depends how thin you slice them.

asfanskap · 08-31-2006, 08:09 PM

One day, a Spurs fan man was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. "But there's a catch," the Genie continued. "What catch?" asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously. The Genie replied, "For each of your wishes, every Arsenal supporter in the world will receive double what you asked for." "Hey, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man. "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!" ****! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now, every gooner in the world has been given two Ferraris," said the Genie. "What is your next wish?" "I could really use a million pound..." replied the man, and ****! One million puond appeared at his feet. "Now, every Gooner in the world is two million pounds richer," the Genie reminded the man. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my million," replied the spurs fan. "And what is your final wish?" asked the Genie. The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

asfanskap · 08-31-2006, 08:11 PM

Two boys are playing football in a park in N17 when one of them is attacked
by a Doberman. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence,
forces it into the dog’s collar and twists it, breaking the dog’s neck.
All the while, a local newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park
is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil
to start his story for the next edition.
He writes, ”Spurs fan saves friend from vicious dog.”
The boy interrupts: ”But I’m not a Spurs fan.”
The reporter starts again: ”West Ham fan saves friend from horrific dog attack.”
The boy interrupts again: ”I’m not a Hammers fan either.”
The reporter asks: ”Who do you support, then?”
”Arsenal”, replies the boy.
So the reporter starts again: ”Gooner bastard kills family pet”

Stiles · 09-01-2006, 08:31 PM

Even though those jokes were aimed at my people. They were simple brilliant. Absoluetly top draw stuff.

Matt the Thrasher · 11-22-2006, 06:32 PM

How do you get the cork back into a champagne bottle?

Ask a West Ham fan.

theo kawala · 11-22-2006, 06:55 PM

There was a Arsenal. fan with a really crappy seat at the Emirates. Looking with his binoculars he spotted an empty seat on the half way line. Thinking to himself "What a waste", he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Arsenal fan and we used to always come here to watch every match."

The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask you why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "I could'nt, they're all at the funeral."

theo kawala · 11-22-2006, 06:55 PM

There are three premiership teams stranded in a desert
- Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. They have
been there for one week when they finally come across
a dead camel. The Man United players say 'As we're
ManCHESTer United, we'll have the chest.' The Liverpool
players say 'As we're LIVERpool, we'll have the liver.'
'We're not hungry,' say the Arsenal players.

theo kawala · 11-22-2006, 06:56 PM

Terry Venables and Arsene Wenger are getting interviewed at the end of last season and the interviewer turns to Wenger :"So Arsene after a few disastrous results in the last couple of weeks where do you see Arsenals season going from here?" "Well, as I said at the start of the season, our main aim is to win the Premier league and I still think we're in with a good chance!" Interviewer turns to Venables: "So then

Terry, what do you think of Palaces prospects then?" "Well I'm hoping that we'll go up as champions and probably win the FA Cup, then take the Premiership by storm in a couple of years, with a possible Grand Slam of all major domestic trophies!" The interviewer is a bit shocked and turns round to Venables and says:

"You're not serious, surely?" "Well Arsene bloody started it!!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

08-07-2006, 01:26 AM	#1 (permalink)
squid Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: Glasgow Posts: 768 vCash: 500	Footie Jokes!!! We need some Footie jokes on this thing. Why? because i dont know any. So i would like to read some jokes that are footbasll based: that involve some club rivalries or football personalities. it doesnt have to be a joke, as long as its funny. Anecdotes would be accepted. So I'll start it off with my favourite Ron Atkinson one liner. At a Brazil game there was a fat hairy guy with a beard playing a drum with two stunning samba babes by his side. The ITV cometator said " i didnt know your wife was here ron" Ron said " i didn't know she could play the drum" Big Ron, Class!!!! Last edited by squid : 08-07-2006 at 01:29 AM.

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08-08-2006, 12:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
Stiles Admin Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Somerset, England. Posts: 2,447 vCash: 500	Whats the difference between a Squrriel and the Spuds? A squrriel has more champions league experiance. This has been the opinion of Liam Stiles. The Poster boy of Footballtalk.org

08-31-2006, 06:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
Jedi Knight Admin Join Date: May 2006 Location: ma hoose Posts: 1,436 vCash: 500	lol. that's naughty but good. not that i concur of course The FORCE will always triumph over the dark side!!!

08-31-2006, 08:09 PM	#10 (permalink)
asfanskap Veteran Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Örebro, Sweden Posts: 361 vCash: 500	One day, a Spurs fan man was walking along the beach and came across an odd-looking bottle. Not being one to ignore tradition, he rubbed it and, much to his surprise, a Genie actually appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes," said the Genie. The man was ecstatic. "But there's a catch," the Genie continued. "What catch?" asked the man, eyeing the Genie suspiciously. The Genie replied, "For each of your wishes, every Arsenal supporter in the world will receive double what you asked for." "Hey, I can live with that! No problem!" replied the elated man. "What is your first wish?" asked the Genie. "Well, I've always wanted a Ferrari!" **! A Ferrari appeared in front of the man. "Now, every gooner in the world has been given two Ferraris," said the Genie. "What is your next wish?" "I could really use a million pound..." replied the man, and *! One million puond appeared at his feet. "Now, every Gooner in the world is two million pounds richer," the Genie reminded the man. "Well, that's okay, as long as I've got my million," replied the spurs fan. "And what is your final wish?" asked the Genie. The man thought long and hard, and finally said, "Well, you know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney..." Like Keith Palmer always said, "Why buy the cow...when you get the sex for free."*

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08-07-2006, 01:32 AM	#2 (permalink)
squid Veteran Join Date: May 2006 Location: Glasgow Posts: 768 vCash: 500	try and keep it tastful.. or not itsup to you!

08-07-2006, 04:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
WATfc Come On You Golden Boys Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Leighton Buzzard Posts: 23 vCash: 500	Luton towns new ground. Funniest joke i can think of.

08-07-2006, 04:43 PM	#4 (permalink)
goldenHuddlestone Admin Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,647 vCash: 480	What do you say if you see a Arsenal fan buried up to his head in sand More Sand!

08-31-2006, 06:15 PM	#7 (permalink)
goldenHuddlestone Admin Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,647 vCash: 480	Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps? Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

08-31-2006, 06:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
goldenHuddlestone Admin Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 5,647 vCash: 480	How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway? Depends how thin you slice them.

08-31-2006, 08:11 PM	#11 (permalink)
asfanskap Veteran Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Örebro, Sweden Posts: 361 vCash: 500	Two boys are playing football in a park in N17 when one of them is attacked by a Doberman. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog’s collar and twists it, breaking the dog’s neck. All the while, a local newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition. He writes, ”Spurs fan saves friend from vicious dog.” The boy interrupts: ”But I’m not a Spurs fan.” The reporter starts again: ”West Ham fan saves friend from horrific dog attack.” The boy interrupts again: ”I’m not a Hammers fan either.” The reporter asks: ”Who do you support, then?” ”Arsenal”, replies the boy. So the reporter starts again: ”Gooner bastard kills family pet” Like Keith Palmer always said, "Why buy the cow...when you get the sex for free."

09-01-2006, 08:31 PM	#12 (permalink)
Stiles Admin Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Somerset, England. Posts: 2,447 vCash: 500	Even though those jokes were aimed at my people. They were simple brilliant. Absoluetly top draw stuff. This has been the opinion of Liam Stiles. The Poster boy of Footballtalk.org

11-22-2006, 06:32 PM	#13 (permalink)
Matt the Thrasher Admin Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Figueira da Foz ,Portugal Posts: 3,244 vCash: 379	How do you get the cork back into a champagne bottle? Ask a West Ham fan. The boys of NYPD choir still singing Galway Bay.

11-22-2006, 06:55 PM	#14 (permalink)
theo kawala Veteran Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: england peterborough Posts: 3,149 vCash: 500	There was a Arsenal. fan with a really crappy seat at the Emirates. Looking with his binoculars he spotted an empty seat on the half way line. Thinking to himself "What a waste", he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Arsenal fan and we used to always come here to watch every match." The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask you why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "I could'nt, they're all at the funeral." MR VA VA VOOM HES THE BEST!! HES GONNA SCORE A THOUSAND GOALS WHEN HE STARTS EVERY GAME!!!

11-22-2006, 06:55 PM	#15 (permalink)
theo kawala Veteran Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: england peterborough Posts: 3,149 vCash: 500	There are three premiership teams stranded in a desert - Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. They have been there for one week when they finally come across a dead camel. The Man United players say 'As we're ManCHESTer United, we'll have the chest.' The Liverpool players say 'As we're LIVERpool, we'll have the liver.' 'We're not hungry,' say the Arsenal players. MR VA VA VOOM HES THE BEST!! HES GONNA SCORE A THOUSAND GOALS WHEN HE STARTS EVERY GAME!!!

11-22-2006, 06:56 PM	#16 (permalink)
theo kawala Veteran Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: england peterborough Posts: 3,149 vCash: 500	Terry Venables and Arsene Wenger are getting interviewed at the end of last season and the interviewer turns to Wenger :"So Arsene after a few disastrous results in the last couple of weeks where do you see Arsenals season going from here?" "Well, as I said at the start of the season, our main aim is to win the Premier league and I still think we're in with a good chance!" Interviewer turns to Venables: "So then Terry, what do you think of Palaces prospects then?" "Well I'm hoping that we'll go up as champions and probably win the FA Cup, then take the Premiership by storm in a couple of years, with a possible Grand Slam of all major domestic trophies!" The interviewer is a bit shocked and turns round to Venables and says: "You're not serious, surely?" "Well Arsene bloody started it!!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA MR VA VA VOOM HES THE BEST!! HES GONNA SCORE A THOUSAND GOALS WHEN HE STARTS EVERY GAME!!!

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